stymied

Well, here it is. Our first grade curriculum from Enki Education. (Minus a couple of large binders that I received previously.) It's sitting there, in it's ginormous box, on my dining room table. It's been sitting there for the better part of a week, actually. The first day it sat there completely unopened. I just stared at it for awhile, realizing what it was, but feeling no motivation to break into it. The second day I opened the top just to peek and make sure that's what it was. Blinding white binders smiled up at me. I walked away and didn't look at it again for two days. A couple days later, I removed the bubble wrap from the top of the binders and poked at the pages and the packet of materials -- no doubt CDs and the like -- through the protective wrap. That was enough. That was yesterday. Today, I actually proceeded so far as to cut open the protective wrap. I stared for a few minutes at the binders. I have yet to feel tempted to reach in and pull out a binder, leaf through the materials, or at least check to make sure everything is there. Why?

I've been meditating on that question for the past few days. More like a week, actually. And I've come to the conclusion that I've got a problem with commitment. Or maybe not commitment itself. I mean, I certainly had no problem committing to using Enki in the first place. Or ordering the K materials. Or, now, the 1st Grade. My problem seems to be on the follow-through. I've got really firm reasons for using this curriculum, for choosing to follow this philosophy of living and learning. Yet, I keep getting distracted by bright shiny objects dangling in my view.

For example, take a look at this photo of my kids playing this morning. They're doing some great role-playing pretend play with a set of PlayMobil pirates that were a gift for one of their birthdays at some point. I think the PlayMobil stuff is pretty cool, and my kids enjoy playing with them. So, being the season that it is, and the fact that dear old Santa is waiting for me to place an order for a "big" gift for the boys to share (which is our tradition), I spent time browsing the PlayMobil website trying to decide which set to order. It wasn't until I wasted a good hour or more (of time I could have spent doing something productive) that it suddenly occurred to me that I'm trying to GET RID of the plastic in our lives. And here I was shopping to add more! Yes, my kids enjoy it. But they enjoy EVERYTHING. I cleared my head and ordered a really cool wooden tree fort play set (complete with little log furniture and a family of Tomtens) for them instead. I think Santa will enjoy making that better than the plastic stuff, and I know that it will bring less stress into my life than more tiny plastic pieces to step on and/or lose. Likewise, I'm shelving the Lego set I was planning on giving J from The Map Man and I in favor of something less offensive to me.









All I really need to do is look at my kids playing with naturally made materials to know that this is what I REALLY want for them. Like when Zoo Boy plays with sea shells to create his own imaginary worlds, or when J builds with his wooden marble runs. These types of toys not only appeal to their imaginations, but they provide wonderful tactile feedback, and are appealing to the eye, rather than distracting/disruptive (which his how I find brightly colored plastic toys). Why, then, is it so hard for me to remember that when faced with making decisions? I've got so much stuff in this house that I've used our limited funds to buy that is absolutely counter-productive to my goals. How does that happen?

I have the same problem with planning activities for us. Even though I know better (I truly "buy" that being over scheduled is not a good thing for the kids or myself), I can't seem to help myself signing J up for every class available at the museum, scheduling play dates and get-togethers, and running all over creation trying to pack as many experiences as I can into our weeks. Yes, the kids really enjoy those sorts of things -- and what kid wouldn't? But I can SEE for myself how beneficial that staying home and giving the kids the time and space to truly "sink in" to their play is. The running around produces cranky, tired kids that are only satisfied with more running around, more "entertainment". Allowing them to take the time to really connect with their surroundings and become one with them produces calm, relaxed kids that feel free to fully explore their interests and ideas, kids with the space in their minds for true learning.

Here's a great example of that sinking in from this morning. The kids are playing a game with pieces from their Lincoln Logs set. I walked in from doing chores to find them immersed in a storyline involving a canoe and a combination of wild river rapids, gusting winds, and natural hazards to bring about a series of perilous moments for the canoe and it's occupants. In between bits of exciting drama, the winds and waters would calm, and the boys would both break into a round of "Wild Good Flight" (one of our songs from our movement circle the past several weeks) while gently guiding the canoe around: "My paddle's keen and bright, flashing like silver. Swift as the wild good flight, dip, dip, and swing." This sort of play went on for hours, and never once was there a cranky word said, a whiny tone used, or any need whatsoever for me to step in and redirect the play. The tone and mood of the house was one of such harmony that I ditched my fancy plans for the day and we spent a quiet morning immersed in play instead.

I KNOW what I want for my kids. I can SEE what benefits them. Why, then, do I have such a problem truly committing to slowing down my life and saying no to those things that are not what will benefit them most?