best thing ever!

I interrupt this gleeful romp through first grade to bring you news of our acquisition of the BEST THING EVER!

Thanks to co-sleeping with our kids, by the time Zoo Boy was born, our bedroom was starting to look like a page from The Biggest Bed in the World (by Lindsay Camp, illustrated by Jonathan Langley -- one of our all time favorite books, especially given how it related to our lives). We had our queen bed pushed up against the spare full bed, with giant quilts thrown across the whole thing, and absolutely zero floor space (but given that the bed was sitting on the floor, rather than a bed frame, it worked). We finally decided that the massive expanse of bed was a bit of overkill, yet the queen alone was not adequate for the 4 of us plus various and assorted 4-legged critters, so we invested in a king sized bed. "Invested" used in the broadest possible definition, as we only paid $99 for each piece for a grand total of $297.

The bed was new and a Sealy, so a decent name, but to say it was the bottom of their line would be extremely generous. In fact, I have a strong suspicion that Sealy keeps trolls in their basement just to produce these mattress-shaped torture devises. After setting the bed up and lying down on it for the first time, The Map Man and I shot sideways glances at each other. "Well, it's big" I said. "Yup" he replied. That about covered it.

Well, 5 years of hobgoblins jumping up and down on our bed has done our poor mattress no favors. Recently The Map Man flipped it (you know, like they recommend you do on occasion when your mattress was assembled by creatures with opposable thumbs), and suddenly there were springs in my ribs. In no time flat, my spine, which is ordinarily screaming "GET OUT OF BED NOW!!!" to me in the morning, was actually leaving my body in the middle of the night to call 911 in a desperate attempt to get someone with a backboard out here.

We casually discussed getting a new mattress (which went something like this: 2am, I kick The Man and shriek "WE NEED A NEW MATTRESS!!!!", to which he mumbles something incoherent, pulls a pillow over his head, shoves another over my head, and goes back to sleep). Of course, the funny thing is, comfortable mattresses actually cost real money. Even I didn't see any sense in spending $99 dollars for the troll-special again.

But then we discovered THE BEST THING EVER -- for just a little more than the made-for-hades model, we found a king-sized memory foam bed topper. Optimistically I plunked my money down and ran home with my find. We unfolded it and stuffed it in it's cover (not anywhere near as easy as I'm making it sound), then strapped it down to the bed right away regardless of the disgusting new-foam odor. I made that bed faster than I've ever made a bed in my life, then crawled between the covers.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Ecstasy!!!

I'm telling you, it's like a whole new bed!!!! And for a fraction of the cost of a bed made by actual primates. I had the best night sleep I've had in years, and in the morning, I could actually stand up without having to reinsert my spine.

You gotta get one of these things! I mean, those of you who need some help in the mattress department. I know I can't be the only one who has been sleeping on something from the quiet underbelly of the mattress industry.