rethinking toys, part 2

(An Astronaut-in-Training and a Race Car Driver dropped by our house for snack yesterday....)

I wanted to address a couple of responses that I got from my last post on rethinking my toys. I've had some good, thought provoking questions, and felt that clarifying myself and explaining the process a bit further might be helpful for anyone following along at home.

First I wanted to clarify that I'm not trying to control how my kids play. If they are following natural development, there is a certain way they WILL play (according to Child Development research). As for WHAT they play with, I do want control over that. I want to provide access to those play items that will most promote natural play/development. I don't want them playing with video games or plastic figures. That's just my parenting choice, I think that stuff is junk and takes away from natural play. Every parent makes a decision about what their child has access to, that's just where my personal line is drawn. I personally think I'm in a better position to make choices like that than my kids are, but when it comes right down to it, it's my house, I get to decide what's in it. I can't shield them from everything they're going to come in contact with in the world (nor would I want to), but I CAN (and will!) control the content of what comes through my door.

The goal in play is not for them to be unique and creative -- those are by-products of natural development. The goal is for them to feel integrated in their own bodies -- learning can only happen when a child is feeling integrated. When there is not integration, there is chaos -- screaming, crying, meltdowns -- which is their bodies ways of trying to re-integrate themselves -- or worse, there is spacing out and disconnection. These sorts of things happen when their play is too much in their heads and not enough in their bodies. It's what I've come to believe from reading the Child Development research, explained to me via RDI and Enki Education, and from observation of my own children and their response to various types of play.

I also want to clarify that I don't do anything just because Enki Education says to do it. I use Enki because it reflects my developmental/educational beliefs and supports what my gut says with regards to Child Development research. So while I may often say "Enki says...." what I really mean is "I believe, and it's back by what Enki says about child development".

Helping them remain integrated opens and expands the world for them. Kids at this stage of development are little sponges, soaking everything in openly. UNLESS something causes them to shut down that open intake process. Like innappropriate toys and access to electronic media. When that open-intake process is interupted, natural development is replaced with something else. I don't have a word for what that something else is, but I know it's not what I want for my kids. It doesn't matter specifically WHAT they are learning, or what they are doing it with, as long as that open-intake process is preserved. So I'm not providing rocks because I want them to play with rocks. If they never touch the rocks, that's fine with me (although they really LIKE playing with rocks!). I'm providing rocks because it gives them the choice to add them into whatever play schemes they come up with on their own. As opposed to, for example, a farm set with defined animal characters and farm implements, which would run their play for them (obviously, a kid sits down with a set like that and they are drawn to play with it as a farm -- turning it into a space ship or a race track or a beach would be a stretch even for the most imaginative kid). My kids have a farm set, I've only ever seen them use it as a farm. Yet the rocks are animals on a farm, fish in an ocean, bricks in a building, aliens in a spaceship, penquins on an ice flow, various types of food to be prepared and served up, golf balls, marbles, fences, stacking objects, cars, babies, and any other thing their imaginations can produce.

Again, it's not creativity that we're looking for specifically, it's an integrated child. After using a toy in a restrictive, heads-only manner, a child is easier to upset. Things that go wrong cause frustration, crying, lashing out. A toy used in an imginative, active way results in stability with the kids. In my experience, it's pretty unusual for truly creative play to end in a fight -- it's fairly usual for that to happen when the kids are contracted into themselves while doing puzzles or the like . (I'm talking about for my kids here, by the way. I make absolutely NO claims as to what is nourishing and integrating for other kids, all kids are different, and what pulls one child into their minds may inspire open creativity in another -- Zoo Boy definitely plays with Zoobs in a much more open-intake manner than J does -- he just grabs a couple pieces and "flys" them around the house, pretending they are airplanes and bugs, he never sits down to figure out what he can build from them.)

About my dislike for plastic, I happen to believe that kids don't get as good a quality of sensory (tactile and proprioceptive) input from plastic as they do from natural materials. Hence my desire to rid my life of plastic toys. That may not be as important to a family whose kids' aren't having sensory integration issues (although I personally believe it would be beneficial for all kids), but in our case, where both our children struggle with sensory integration, it's just one more thing I can do to provide an environment that promotes natural development.

As to rules, I DO have rules, but nothing that I've talked about so far has anything to do with any rules. My rules are things like "Don't throw things in the house." "Don't climb the bookshelves." "Don't do anything that hurts someone else." Rules are good, I like rules. They are the river banks that hold the meandering stream in check and keep it from flooding over yet allowing it to meander. However, there are no rules on how to play. The kids can play however they want to. It's up to me to provide access to appropriate play things (those things that promote natural child development), and limit access to inappropriate things (those things that don't promote natural child development). It's up to the child to play how they will with those things. Or not. Zoo Boy tends to prefer play with clothes hangers, hand tools and my camera tripod. More power to him!